When we arrived in Suriname we/I was very SELF confident. I had a dream and my faith was set on my dream. However soon after arrival it became clear that dreams and reality are not the same thing. God is not a God we can manipulate, or like a horse that pulls our cart. I knew from reading Wachmen Nee, "The Release of the Spirit", that God is in the business of breaking us. All our hopes, crushed to nothing.
I had a dream in which we were flooded by a clear water tsunami while we were clinging to trees on a hill. I knew this dream meant something; I just did not know what, yet. Yesterday while teaching the kids from the book of Job, we came across Job 14.18-20, God destroys a person's hope. Now it all makes sense.
It is best described as a polar shift taking place. Just like in the film, "The day after Tomorrow", it sometimes happens with a lot of drama and big losses. I see now, looking back, that God had designed a plan to shift my big S, Self/south, to its proper place. The big I was fully awake because I had hoped for all to go according to MY dreams and plans.
Upon arrival everything started going downhill fast. Testing and failures followed rapidly. Our self support ran dry quickly and after nearly a year all hope had flown. I even had a dream about my daughter flying off by herself. Our life has now been brought low, very low. We went from living in a nice family home to living in a bedroom with all seven of us. Having the comforts we worked hard for, to having nothing of our own except the clothes we came with. Having enough money to buy what we want, to live on support from family and friends. Well we look at ourself and say....what are we to do? God has indeed brought us low, very low and has destroyed all our hope of ever being able to realise our dream on our own.
Now that we have to live by faith for our daily provision, we see how God has shifted our polars. Our S, is now in its right place. It has become Small indeed and God has become our North/our focus, because we look to HIM now. Whereas we would thank him for being able to, but would not look to HIM, we have become completely dependent on HIM. If He opens doors, we can move forward. If He does not move we cannot.
Job testifies,
14:18-20
Just as a mountain erodes and falls away
All high places of SELF must be made LOW,
Its rock is removed from its place,
The rock of SELF removed,
and the floods wash away its soil,
the floods/troubles of life wash away all hope on SELF/self confidence,
so you destroy a persons hope.
Our polar has shifted and now we live in our day after. God has destroyed our hope / Selfconfidence so we can now have confidence in Him. Like Apostle Paul says in Phill 2;19, But i hope in the Lord... and in vers 24, I am confident in the Lord....not in SELF
God bless.......
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